Feline Misconceptions: Let’s nip it in the bud!

This post is a response to a guest post on Katzenworld by Elle Superstar at Full Circle. http://ellesuperstar.wordpress.com We do hope you will visit her and Katzenworld. https://katzenworld.co.uk/wp The thoughts expressed here are those of mademoiselle Colette and madame Simone. The human is merely the typist. Although she did admit to liking Elle’s post.  Here you can see it if you happened to miss it on Katzenworld. https://katzenworld.co.uk/2017/08/24/life-changed-since-adopting-cats/

“Cats don’t change without their consent.”  –  Roger Cass

It has recently come to the attention of both of us, mademoiselle Colette and madame Simone, that a number of humans are still operating under some of the following misconceptions regarding their feline superiors. It is our intention to set the matter straight once and for all!

Feline misconceptions

Showing up to work adorned in cat hair. First and foremost, let us address the issue of cat hair on clothing, furniture and wherever else it may be. Our fur, is a precious gift and we do not bestow it upon just anyone. Understand that cat hair is an accessory and a grand one at that. All the most glamorous felines wouldn’t be caught dead without it. It is a fashion statement. I am loved by one or more cats and that says so much about a human. Wear your cat hair with pride, we always do.
Picking up items from the floor.Tsk tsk, this thought shows scant regard for the feline training that awaits you dear human. The items you refer to are part of said training and you are being watched with concern for your ability to grasp the concepts of Cat Play. It is a crucial element of who a feline really is. If you were paying attention there is a message embedded in each and every gift we choose to share with you, our human. Your response to these treasures is closely attached to your perception and understanding of who we are as felines and divas. You seriously believe we do this strictly for our own pleasure? Contraire mon cher! We do it as a way of accessing what further training may be needed in your specific case.
Hiding of toilet paper… Now issues of this type are extremely serious. Toilet paper is just one of the millions of art supplies that need to be at our disposal 24/7. Just think of the creative outbursts that are being thwarted by this error of grievous proportion.  Failure to provide such necessities shows an utter lack of understanding for the creative genius that felines possess. What if we held your paintbrushes, knitting needles or that flat thing on the desk you sit at for hours at a time punching buttons, which results in black splotches on paper? What’s that about. All that time wasted when you could have spent on it, adoring us and playing with that funny red light. By the way, today is the day we catch it and then watch out! It is murderous to attempt to squelch or stifle and artist at work and blasphemy to destroy a creation of a master.
4. Tolerance for dust and cat hair… Once again, oh misguided human, Cat hair/fur and any dust resulting from such are not only our gifts for you but a vital step in the process of developing antibodies to any ‘imaginary’ issues you believe yourself to suffer with. By the way, you should not expect us to do everything and it wouldn’t hurt for you to sweep up a bit around here… Do we complain about your collectibles? Of course not. We are much more tolerant but that is a given being a superior species. Cat hair is a seasoning when mixed with food stuff or when washing ones gorgeous fur. Get over it! As far as “having people over”, why would you want to do that? Do we bring in all our friends? No, why don’t you take some time for your daily F.F.T.T. (Feline Focused Training and Therapy) then we wouldn’t be having these issues. Besides, where could you hope to find company as intelligent, entertaining and cuddly as you have right here. Also they don’t call it FURniture for nothing. If another human comes by, heaven forbid, it gives you the opportunity to show off and believe me, we’ve got it!

Someone couldn’t leave it alone but in this house, self-cleaning is strictly done by the cats.

5. “I don’t shower on weekends because I don’t need to impress my cats.”  A feline’s olfactory system is its most vital sensing organ. It lets her know if food is toxic or not, alerts her to prey, lets her know where you have been, and guides her back home should (heaven forbid) she ever were lost. Just as humans have fingerprints which are unique, cats have a nose print which is unique to them. The feline has over 200 million odor-sensitive cells in their noses compared to only 5 million for the human nose. The sense of smell has a rather insignificant role in your human relationships but for us felines it is all-important and failure to appreciate this could result in some behaviors that you will not appreciate. If you put scented litter in my box, I may choose to take my business elsewhere as perfume is frequently a repellent for us. Bring in a new sofa? We can’t find any familiar scents so may be prepared to contribute some of our own in one form or another. Get a clue, if you are smelly and offensive to other humans, you will be markedly more offensive to us. Trust us, we know!

6. “I yell a lot more.” Tsk, tsk, tsk, part of the reason that humans yell so much, is that they think it works. Ridiculous! What self-respecting feline would respond to such self-deprecating behavior? Certainly not Colette or Simone. If you have a feline who would, I highly recommend a reputable feline therapist for them and as for the human… A well trained human need not use a spray bottle but just the sight of it is a word to the wise. Perhaps your human frailty is the inability to recognize true creativity. We can dance, sing, act and a myriad of other talents are at our disposal. Most of us would ignore your squalling and will respond much better to cuddles, food, scratching and other vital necessities.

7. “I talk about cats all the time.” Well of course you do what other conversation could there be that is so rewarding, essential, so much fun and so stimulating? There are our fabulous fur coats in so many devastatingly beautiful patterns and colors. The softness is silken and the absorbency is excellent. What’s more not only stimulating to the senses, it is frequently overlooked, but can take on any flood of human tears. Besides, when you focus on us, as you should, your fears and concerns are reduced to a more manageable size that even you should be capable of dealing with. Despite these shortcomings, you show intelligence in your preference of felines. Cats are independent, dogs are needy and don’t come close on the intelligence scale. If you were to loose yourself and try to kick one of us, we could teach you some new moves and we guarantee you wouldn’t get a second chance. A feline’s trust must be earned and some of us are much more discriminating than others. Animal rights and Protection are another matter. That is true even if they aren’t cats. But I will say anyone be it human or animal, humans rank below cats but a bit above dogs, messes with us, we shall give them the sharp end of paw! While our human isn’t too bad, she was terrorized and mauled badly by dogs as a child. Despite that, she would never harm one, she just keeps her distance. She is safe with us.

8. “I do a lot more laundry.” Any laundry issues are of your own doing. As stated earlier in this document, we have a highly developed sense of smell. What you regard as a clean litter box, may pass your standards, and being a lesser species we do sympathize, but do not assume we would lower our standards to yours. Just shop with diligence and do not use these scented products. Our keen sense of smell is not only to alert us but can also be a valuable warning to you.

9. “My camera happy trigger finger is ready at all times.” While we can understand the desire to capture our beauty on film, how would you feel under the constant lense of a camera. Would you like your every moment recorded for the pleasure of others? We think not. While it is possible that there could be some room for negotiations. One of the reasons you think we are too quick might be because you are so slow and when we don’t want to play your games, this may be the only response you are capable of understanding. We do allow our human a few photos now and again but she also respects our privacy and our boundaries. While we do consent to posing for the blogs and our friends are kind enough to offer a few pictures, these are basically to educate those humans that have not responded well or perhaps not even begun basic F.F.T.T. (Feline Focused Training and Therapy). Give it a try. It would certainly make life more pleasant for us all. Happy Kitty = Happy Human.

10. “I talk about cats all the time.” Well of course you do. What more stimulating conversation could there be? There are our fabulous fur coats in so many devastatingly beautiful patterns and colors. The softness is silken and the absorbency it is frequently overlooked but can take on any flood of human tears. Besides, when you focus on us, as you should, your fears and concerns are reduced to a more manageable size that even you should be capable of dealing with. Despite these shortcomings, you show intelligence in your preference of felines. Cats are independent, dogs are needy and don’t come close on the intelligence scale. If you were to loose yourself and try to kick one of us, we could teach you some new moves and we guarantee you wouldn’t get a second chance.  A feline’s trust must be earned and some of us are much

“I am content to be alone, as long as I have my cats next to me.” Well of course you are content to be in our excellent company. That is key to F.F.T.T. By focusing on us, we pull you out of yourself and allow you to heal. As the healing progresses, you can begin to do more, be more. Have no fear as we can sense when you need us even before you realize it yourself. A home without a cat, is merely a house. Writing can be cathartic but even writing shifts to a new level when there are cats in residence. We can let you work for periods of time but we know before you do that a break and some cuddling or play is needed. When you are with us, you are never alone.

“But I would die, if I didn’t have cats.” Not necessarily, but I wouldn’t want to live like that, I wouldn’t even call it living. If you are fortunate enough to be adopted by one or more cats, your life will change indeed, for the best.

Au revoir, mademoiselle Colette, madame Simone and our human

Disclaimer: Any and all mistakes are strictly due to human error and will be dealt with.